


Rain and Hail (and Grey and Orange)

by FrostyReports



Category: Bandom
Genre: Breakups, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting into a relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-04-30 09:37:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 6,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14494113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostyReports/pseuds/FrostyReports
Summary: Jon doesn't know why he wants to clean up, he just does.





	1. Clouds.

Clouds the size of mountains fill the once-blue sky, swarming what was once bright. The sun disappears under these masses and suddenly, it is cold. The rain starts a few minutes later, pelting the four boys, who don't expect it. Then, the hail comes. It flies from the sky and lands on the ground, bouncing off of buildings and the four. It's noticeable that the lights outside are broken, save for the one they're under, but it flickers dangerously. There's a quiet mist that settles, making the already dark afternoon look even darker. It's quiet, at first, making the atmosphere unsettling. But then, a voice rings out. Due to the emptiness of the street, it echoes.

  
"Dude! You fucking suck!!" His laughter was loud and he moved as though he was truly free. His eyes opened, revealing umber eyes. He stared up at the other with an emotion that could only be described as wonder— Or, lust. The corners of his mouth twisted up, he seemed to stare intensely, as though wanting something.

The other boy, with the dark hair of a similar color and the chocolate eyes, turned red. Maybe it was the bedroom eyes, or the way that the other moved, but he hit the male and watched as he crumbled. "Brendon," he started, with pleading eyes, and Brendon kissed his nose. His red face only got more red, affection was obviously not his strong suit.

  
"Shut up, Ryan." The two were cut off, by the third, who tossed Brendon a pack of cigarettes. His hair was lighter, and his eyes were a blue ocean. He had a nametag on, dusted light red, with the name "Spencer" on it. He leaned against the shortest of them, who was on his phone. The boy didn't seem to care, but it wasn't usual. He was usually bright and attentive. Not today. There was a shared look between the other three, cutting through the sexual tension that was between Ryan and Brendon.

  
"Jon! Pay attention to us!" Brendon whined, and Jon snapped his head up. He scowled, going back to his phone. He acted real angry, but his coffee eyes could not hold that emotion. Especially with the flowers in his hair. With a sigh, Spencer brought his head down, and kissed the other on the corner of his mouth. Gentle, even as he caught the petal of a daffodil.

"There he is." Spencer responded, when he saw the corners of his lips turn up. Turning around, he looked back at Jon, tilting his head a little. He stuck out his tongue gently, watching the other run a little. Brendon came even closer to Ryan, as Spencer passed, and the sound of aggressive making-out filled the air. "Let's go. Voyeurism isn't really one of my kinks." Spencer whispered, his words trailing off in the night air. Like smoke, like dreams that Jon never got to catch. Like the flowers that fell out of his hair and clipped the ground, soft and broken. He thinks Spencer is a lot like that. Broken. Soft. Maybe he's focused on his lips and eyes. Soft eyes and chapped lips. Or, soft lips and broken eyes? 

Whatever it is, Jon's in love.


	2. Trashbags

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon doesn't know why he wants to clean up, he just does.

When Jon finally gets to their house, he kisses Spencer on the cheek. Brendon and Ryan say goodbye, and Spencer looks down at him. "Be good, I'll see you tomorrow." And before Jon can answer, he's gone. Probably to make sure that Brendon and Ryan aren't the loudest beings on earth. So, Jon walks home. His hair is soaked and his eyes display a sense of hatred for this rain. His lips still taste like Spencer, but they're fading. For now, though, they stay sweet. Cherries and vinegar. He wonders if Spencer tastes the weed and wine he wallowed in for months. Of course he does. Spencer knows that taste so well.

Jon doesn't know why he wants to clean up, he just does. It's not like it's a date. Spencer didn't say it was. Nobody said "I love you" yet. They weren't, like, dating or anything. Even if Spencer kissed him. Ryan and Brendon kissed before. They aren't dating. Well, they might be, but that's besides the point!

Jon grabs a few trash bags as he enters his home, slipping off his shoes, and looks at the house. The tv is gently playing, his cats are cuddled up near the corner. He doesn't keep much trash down here. He goes into his basement, wrinkling his noise at the smell.

No matter how many times he smokes, the smell is still weird to him. He begins to pick up, making sure to febreeze. There. It looks better. His room was always semi-clean. But his desk was cluttered with paperwork and stress. He didn't want the others to get worried. But who cares? Soon, he has a clean house. Smells like a breeze. He gets up, grabs clothes that are clean, yet comfortable, and hops in the shower. He stays in for about 5 minutes, not wanting to waste time. He can shower in the morning.

Why is he acting like this? It's not like he's dating. He's not in love. He doesn't care.

Correction. He's in love. He cares. He watches the clock as it ticks down, from 6 to 7 to 8 and then 9. Finally, he brushes his teeth and goes to bed. As he crumbles under the covers, he falls asleep. He's in love.

He cares. Spencer loves him. But then again, Spencer lies a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!


	3. Falling Into Place.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon is honestly terrified. Spencer looks good, but different.

The next morning, Jon is up again. He febreezes the area again, watching the soft mist settle. Spencer, Brendon, and Ryan loved the smell of febreeze. Jon sprayed a little more before getting a change of clothes and going back to the shower. It was warm and he enjoyed it slightly more than usual. Once he was out and changed, he looked at the time. Spencer usually would come over here in 30 minutes from now. He scowled and went to make himself some breakfast. But, did he have anything?

He's sitting there, chewing slowly on a granola bar (evidently what he would have for lunch and dinner), when the door opens. They never knock. Sometimes, it can be bad, but at this time it's not. It's Spencer and Brendon and Ryan, who poke their heads in and then come in. Spencer was the youngest, the last to be let go.

He was hard edges and that horrible snark. Jon was honestly terrified. He looked good, but different. He had on a black leather jacket, with the pins and patches, and he just looked like a cute motherfucker. Jon was hooked.

"You cleaned up." Spencer mumbled, looking around. Jon got up to throw away the wrapper, almost missing the way that Spencer looked at him. Love and incredibility. And.. lust. Apparently Brendon noticed, because Brendon smirked at Jon.

"Stop it, sentimental boy." Jon mumbled, laughter coming from him.

"Why don't we.." that was quick. "Me and you. Ryan and Brendon. Double date." Spencer grinned, the smile that lit up the room immediately. He would make any move for that smile. Anything. Leaning up, Jon kissed the corner of his mouth, winking. It completely startled Spencer, who went red. He was trying not to smile wider, as he leaned against Ryan and put his face in his shoulder. Jon only grinned.

"Obviously, star boy. Me, you, sentimental boy, and sun will go on a double date."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a slightly shorter chapter, but I had to get one out.  
> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!


	4. Sentiments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumble tumble, little weed.  
> He's sure that rhyme makes sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for mention of an eating disorder!!  
> This one is also really short I promise they get better.  
> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!

They aren't going anywhere fancy. Just to a Red Robin's. So, Jon doesn't need to dress up. He puts on something clean, though. A blue shirt, with the words "connections" written in white. He wears jeans, casual but nice. He doesn't wear his flip flops, it's too cold for that (he's a Chicago kid, what is he talking about? He just doesn't want Spencer it be disappointed).

  
He waits, brushing his hair, and then as quickly as he ends, he hears his phone go off. Spencer is there with Brendon and Ryan. He grabs his phone- Spencer has an extra charger, and his is charged anyway- and gets out.

  
Spencer looks good. With a peach shirt to bring out his eyes. Brendon is there too, arm around Ryan. Brendon with yellow, Ryan with red. It's very fitting. Jon steps out, gets into the car without a word. The restaurant isn't too far from the house, so they're quick. It takes a while, but they also manage to order. Jon gets small portions. So does Brendon.

Jon can't eat too much because he has a small stomach. Brendon chooses not to eat. He gets worried, so do Ryan and Spencer, but none of them mention the bruises. None of them mention the rottin nails or the way the wind could snap him.

But he is snapped out of it. Out of his trance by a small female. She smiled and he brightens instantly, hugging her. His ex girlfriend. They left off on good terms, their spark wasn't there, but they were still good friends.

Tumble tumble, little weed. He's sure that rhyme makes sense. He hugs her again, kissing her cheek, and turning around. Ryan and Brendon greet her, and then.. Spencer gets up, slightly angrier because this is his ex and he should have known!!

Maybe this misunderstanding wasn't bad, but she let him lean against her. She drove him home and gave him food. Money. Water. Made sure he had rest and put her new number in his phone. Deleted the ones from Spencer for him. He would have done it the next morning anyway.

He can't deal without Spencer, nor can he deal with Spencer.


	5. The World Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was boring here, but Jon could not escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for mentions of vomit and also a bit of gore, plus alcohol and drugs.  
> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!

Jon stays in his house. He doesn't want to stay in his room, because he still wants to sing and record and play, but he doesn't want to leave constantly. He stays inside his house, with a locked door and a heavy heart. He tries to remember a tune that he sang once. He couldn't think of the song, so he just played. No singing. How could he?

"What's the point in holding on, if the two of you just don't get along?" He said, soft voice cracking from tears. He bit into his lip to stop anything else from slipping out, putting down his guitar, only to curl up in a ball and weep. Weep for the lost loved one, weep for one who shouldn't have cared that Jon was friends with his ex. What's the point of holding on? Brendon and Ryan were happy. What about him and Spencer? No.

It was days before Brendon and Ryan entered the house again. No Spencer. They wanted to give Jon his own time to come back out. But it was clear that he was not gonna come out, so they had to get in. It wasn't hard. He always had an extra key. Jon was playing guitar, a plate beside him and a bottle of water. He had half of a sandwich left.

There was a conversation, Jon doesn't have the foggiest idea on what's happening, but suddenly he's dressed and at a party. And why is he here? Because Brendon and Ryan were sure it was fine to get out.

Jon immediately went to the drinks. Maybe getting a little buzzed would help? The alcohol wasn't good, it was actually too bitter. But he drank it. Enough to get only a little buzzed. Then he stopped, because he could taste the alcohol again. Bitter and in need of something sweet.

He was about to add something, whether it be Sugar or lemon or honey, when he was alerted to something. A big fight in the middle of the place. He went to see it for a moment, and almost vomited. There was blood. That's for sure. His stomach was too weak for this, so he left. Went to find Brendon and Ryan.

He searched, maybe for hours, even as the sun was slipping from the horizon. When he heard shouting, he was frantic. It wasn't the good kind. It was the screaming of a dying man.

He had heard this before.

Liver failure was horrible and so was a slow and painful death. The alcohol in his system was slowing him down, he could smell crack pipes and as he looked, he spotted people. Cocaine, heroin. It would ruin their lives.

He could see Brendon doing these drugs and he scowled. That meant Ryan wasn't that far away. He looked and suddenly he could hear Ryan, laughing. He was drunk and also high. That meant that nobody could drive unless Jon threw up all the alcohol in his system. Or he could walk.

He didn't think it would be a problem. He managed to get to the kitchen, maybe to get some food or water, maybe bread.

 

Then he stopped.


	6. Parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no sunshine, anymore.

Jon could feel the alcohol in his system slowly die off as he saw. Spencer and another woman, having rough, dry sex right there. He almost vomited again. There was blood and this party was fucked !! It was supposed to help him forget! But Spencer was there. He doesn't think Brendon and Ryan knew. But he caught the eye of the owner of this party, who shot him a sickening grin and a knowing look and- oh god, no.

He sobers up enough, eyes widening slightly, and is quick to run. Spencer sees, widens his eyes, but doesn't do anything. Why would he? Spencer doesn't care about him. Brendon and Ryan can sleep here for all he cares. Jon can't drive Brendon's car, the other two need it. Plus, he doesn't want to get pulled over, so he runs home. Runs to the culmination of loneliness that he calls home.

Ironic, isn't it? If home is where the heart is, then he was fucked. It was 4 am and the sun was rising. But it didn't feel like it. It only felt like a few hours. And yet he was tired and scared. He didn't have a car, good thing, so he didn't leave anything behind. Well, he left ~~somebody~~ something behind, but it isn't important. It never was important, anyway.

There no sunshine, anyway. The house feels dark and gloomy and there's a rare sense that nothing is going to be okay. He feels scared, for once, like something bad is gonna happen. So many bad things have happened. He doesn't want to think it can't get any worse, because it can.

He's seen cities torn by the way they look, families broken. It's still dark. He stumbles to his room. He doesn't light any candles. Doesn't turn on the tv or the radio. He stays awake in silence, trying not to cry so hard. Even if he tried, he would fail, because he was hurt. Nothing would change that.

They should have been together for 27 years and longer. Jon and Spencer should have been married, dressed in gold. Jon doesn't think he'll live past 20, but Spencer wants him to, so he'll go for 27. Spencer will survive. Ryan will, too.

Brendon will not, he guesses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!


	7. Looking Back On Grey Skies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a box, and what's inside brings him to tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really short because !! It's mostly filler !!  
> More action will happen the next chapter.  
> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!

Jon was sure that things wouldn't get better for him.  
It was 1 pm and Jon had not gotten up at all, except to piss, but other than that he stayed in bed. The thing is, his foot was getting numb, and he so badly needed to turn the heat up. It was super cold and his blanket couldn't help.

  
So, he finally got up, wincing as his foot was showered in pins and needles. It was okay, he thought, breathing in slowly.

  
He turned on the heat and almost fell, looking down. There was an object, covered in a dirty T-shirt, a small rectangle. He picked it up, huffing, because it was really, really heavy. He managed, though, to bring it back to his bed and dust it off.

  
It's a box, and what's inside brought him to tears. He threw the box on the floor, watching it spill all over, and almost shrieked. He curled up, covering his face, trembling. He managed to catch another look at the polaroids, stifling a whimper, and crawled off the bed.

He sat beside those, looking through them. Spencer laughed. Spencer cried. Brendon laughed. Ryan smiled. Jon took the pictures sometimes. Sometimes he was in them.

  
He put them back, put the ones with Spencer on the bottom.  
Then, he put it back, and went back to bed.

  
They laughed. They cried. They died.


	8. Health and Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Brendon, just go back to sleep!" The other begged.

Jon was still in his house and Brendon was angry.  
Today was the last day, and then he was leaving forever. He mumbled something to himself, getting out of bed to put on a shirt and pants. Once he was dressed, he went down the stairs. Ryan was there, with wide chestnut eyes, with shaking hands. With fingernails that ripped as he tried to grab onto Brendon, trying to make him anything else but fire and dust.

  
"Brendon, just go back to sleep!" The other begged, tears in his eyes. "Please, just stay here!!" He had been on edge ever since, and with Brendon leaving to get Jon, it was making him nervous. He gasped when Brendon pulled away, but stood his ground, tears trailing down his face.

  
"Don't you see, Ryan? Spencer and Jon don't fucking care! They don't care about us! Spencer isn't your best friend and won't care if you live or die!" Brendon shouted, his own tears welling up. He forced them down, turning and walking to Ryan. "Don't you fucking see? They're morons who don't care about us! They would be happy if we died! Happy if YOU died! They-"

  
"Get the fuck out of my house, Urie." Ryan said, voice strong and hollow. He was crying, but his eyes lost all life. They seemed to drain. When Brendon made no move, they filled with anger. "I said **_get the fuck out of my house_**!" He shouted, louder.  
Brendon stepped back, biting his lip to keep from crying, before glaring and stepping further to the door. He waited to see if Ryan, like many other times, would grab him and make him stay. But Ryan just stared, and Brendon sighed.

  
"I always wondered if your mother wished you would be just like your father. Even if she didn't, I can see that you're just like him. Goodbye-" the boy tossed a box at Ryan, and a metal object fell out. "-Mr. Ross."

  
The ring glinted in the sunlight as Brendon left and never turned back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!


	9. Clean Cut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The phone rang, startling him.

Jon just wanted to go home, you know? Wanted to be..free. Not like now. Even if he was in his house, he wasn't.. home, if that makes sense. Felt out of place, would be a correct usage.

Eventually, he had to go out, to get more food. But, he couldn't go out like this. A mess. Sure, he took showers sometimes, but he was sure he would need another today. One step at a time.

He did his shower first. Then, got on clothes. Fresh ones. Good. He smells better. He was about to get his shoes, lost in his thoughts. Enough where even though he could see and think, he was mainly running on autopilot. The phone rang, startling him.

Deciding to be at least a little nice, he answered it. It was a familiar voice, soft around the edges, and Jon knew he was pulled in. He was his usual quiet self, and Jon could picture him. Brown hair, flicking eyes, that gaze.

"Jon." The voice greeted, making Jon shiver. He couldn't help but smile, though, because this was the first time he had listened to somebody speak to him. He took it in for a moment, before answering.

"Hello, Spencer." Jon couldn't help the excitement that reached in the middle, although it died down (because he couldn't face it himself, really). He could hear the other laugh, and if there was a word for more-than in love, that would be him. Deep, deep down, he could feel a little hatred, but not much.

"Hey," Spencer started, gathering Jon's attention pretty quickly. His voice was soft and lacked any edge. "I was wondering if you wanted to go to a cafe later today?" Oh, so like a date.

Jon hesitated, he remembered how the last one went, but eventually-

"Yeah, yeah! Okay, later today. But Spencer, you have to tell me about the last date. Have to tell me what happened, how we can fix it." Once they said their goodbyes, Jon grabbed his shoes. Later today always meant in 30 or 15 minutes. And so, he put on his shoes. Stepped outside, got into his car.

The cafe was about 10 minutes away (Spencer said something about it being miles away, like Brendon and Ryan do. He wonders how those two were doing.) and he was sure if he left now, he could order at least one thing off the menu. Like, a drink.

With that, he buckled in his seatbelt (because safety. Fuck you) and left.

 

If you were to ask him how it went, wonderful wouldn't cut it. He's got a brand new boyfriend, and they talked it out enough.

He understands. Jealousy is a sin that takes hold, it's a parasite that resides deep inside you. The only way to get rid of it? Well, who wants to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!


	10. Start Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He whispered, but nothing answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter plus the next two are more filler so if they're short, sorry, but they lead into something bigger.  
> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!

The streets were dim and cars were scarce. The only sound was his breathing, right now, and it made the place eerie. Obviously he didn't have a home, and he was too stubborn to ask Jon or Spencer. He knew it was one of his flaws, he should have apologized first. It would be fatal and would get him killed. Not asking for help, that's it. Getting hurt and bleeding out, that's it.

He hears footsteps and freezes, turning around to see.. him. Ryan. The boy with darkness clouding around him, the man with the power to kill Brendon. He was here and he felt sick, suddenly. Brendon felt.. sick to his stomach. Ryan was going to kill him here and leave him to die, he knew it.

Ryan walked, slowly, leaving dust in his wake. He could already see so much, could already see the knife, or the gas, or the chloroform rag. He trembled, but decided to make the first move.

When Ryan was close to him, close enough, he pulled the other into a tight hug. Wrapped his arms around his torso. "I'm sorry, Ryan. I'm so, so sorry. I shouldn't have said all those.. all those things. I was just stressed, angry, the situation was overwhelming-" he felt Ryan tremble as he wrapped his arms around Brendon, letting small sobs escape him. Brendon kissed the other man's cheek, nestling his had in his neck, and whispering softly.

He whispered, but nothing answered.

It didn't matter, Ryan didn't need to answer.


	11. Doubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was just thrilled it didn't go wrong this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next one happen to be fairly short, and happen to be filler-  
> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!

Upon learning that Jon and Spencer were now _JonandSpencer_ , and upon learning that Brendon and Ryan were now _BrendonandRyan_ , there was only one thing left to do. Go on the date. Jon and Brendon were in the same house, Spencer and Ryan were in a different house, getting worried. It was obvious that Jon was nervous, he fiddled with the daisy that he always had in his pocket, watching as Brendon fixed the buttons on his suit. They were going somewhere fancy, so they needed suits.

Brendon had a blue suit, that sparkly bastard he was. His tie was red, reminding Jon of that red haired fella he had met. He still had the number, in his phone, and when they talked, they talked about aliens. How hesitant they were to talk. Jon simply had a black and white suit, wanting to go simple and classy. But his suit had a pocket on it, because he held a tint bag of basil and mint leaves. It made him smell better, and it was good luck.

"Don't be nervous." The sound of Brendon's voice made him jump, and he turned to the taller boy, nodding. His phone buzzed with the sound of text messages, and he picked it up. They were here. He shot a look to Brendon, putting the daisy in his pocket, and nodding. They didn't speak anymore, with silent understanding, as they walked to the car, standing next to each other. It was almost like, you know, a pack thing.

Spencer was pretty. He had a gold suit with a black tie, Brendon obviously picked it out, but it looked good. It wasn't glitter, and he could tell that Spencer somewhat enjoyed it. Ryan was also pretty, with a dark red suit and a matching tie. The guy was cute, he had to admit, and he got out of the car to open the doors for them. Ryan was driving, so Brendon sat in the front, and Spencer sat in the back with Jon. Sweet.

The whole thing was uneventful, really. He was just thrilled nothing went wrong, this time. When Spencer dropped him off, he kissed Jon for maybe a full minute, and when he let go, slipped something into his pocket. It made Jon flush red.

"See ya later, pretty boy." Spencer winked, walking back to the car. And then, it drove away, leaving Jon sitting there in the dust. He looked at the thing in his pocket, a piece of paper wrapped around something. It was a small box, with a necklace in it, that had a rose. The note said 'Love You, Walker". Aw.

"Thanks, star boy." He mumbled, grinning.


	12. Valentines Day Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was Valentines Day and he had nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know: another filler, and it's not Valentines Day, but shh. Also we sorta skipped to a few years bc everything wouldn't be eventful.  
> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!

It was Valentines Day, and he had nothing. Spencer and Jon had been dating for years, and the latter thought that the former deserved the best gift. The thing was, Jon had no idea what to do.

Brendon had suggested something that he wasn't gonna say, and Ryan suggested chocolate. But Spencer didn't care about chocolate. You could give somebody chocolate anytime, without any meaning. That was just sharing. Plus, he usually gave Jon or Ryan the chocolate, meaning it was useless.

Jewelry? Spencer didn't care too much, but a nice ring would work. Don't ask how he knew Spencer's measurements, he wouldn't tell anyway.

Flowers? Yeah! From any normal person, flowers are just a gesture with no meaning, but from Jon, they're picked carefully. He decides to go into the garden, to tend to the ones he has, and looks around.

Anthurium, Daffodils, and honeysuckle. He picks them, careful not to harm the petals, and makes a small bouquet.

Spencer's house isn't far, he can walk, he just.. wants to surprise Spencer. That's why he won't call. He's also afraid, what if Spencer is doing something that he doesn't want to walk into? He's ~~not~~ pure.

When he shows up, he knocks quietly, in the same old fashion. When Spencer opens the door, he hides the bouquet, and grins. Spencer can't even say anything, because he puts the bouquet in his hands quickly. Embarrassed? A little.

"Happy Valentines Day, star boy." Spencer blushed a little, watching. Jon took out a small velvet box, and smiled.

"Spencer Smith," he got on one knee, grinning still. "Will you marry me?"

Spencer could only say, "y-yeah- yes, obviously. Of course!"


	13. Tissues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the fever is low, nothing he can't handle.

When Jon wakes up in the morning, he tried to grasp for Spencer's hand. When he doesn't feel the bump of his knuckle, he turns his head slightly to see. Maybe Spencer just curled up and didn't have his hand there. Nope. Nothing, no Spencer. He gets worried for a moment, but realizes that Spencer probably woke up first. Although, it was rare, Spencer did sometimes wake up first. It was mostly because he was worried, sick, or he was bored.

Jon got up, his usual self coming through as he slid quickly to the stairs. His usual self being: Not too peppy, quiet, a little worried but not too much. He was different. While Spencer and Ryan were quiet too, they were always worried. Jon just wanted to smoke and sit there, until he died. And he wasn't suicidal, if you're wondering. He just thinks that would be..better.

He gets to the kitchen and sees Spencer, a cup of water in his hands. He was sweating, but shaking gently, like he was cold. He obviously had a headache, as every once in a while he would rub his temple. Fever, that was it. It wasn't going to kill him. Even if it tried to, Spencer wouldn't die. It's Brendon who is weak. If he had to trade Brendon's life for Spencer's health, he would. He thinks it's selfish to think that, so he focuses on the other boy.

"Temperature?" He says, calmly, and quietly. Spencer just hands the thermometer to him. 99, it's not bad. However, it might increase. He frowns, putting the back of his hand on Spencer's forehead, and he watches as Spencer leans into it. He's a stubborn fucker, yeah, but in this state he's weak. Jon lifts him slightly, gets him into a carrying position, and gets to the couch.

He puts a blanket under where Spencer will go, lays him down, and goes to get some medication from the cabinet. Once he does, he comes back. Spencer is disoriented, not enough where he can't take the medicine, but enough where he barely knows where he is. When Jon leaves to get some water for him, he whines, and Jon chuckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!


	14. Warm Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hooks his legs around Spencer's waist and draws him near.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More filler!! We have four more chapters left. I cracked my phone screen so updates will be slower.  
> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!

Despite how warm he is, Jon holds Spencer close. The boy was disoriented, breathing heavily, and crying. The fever hurt, and he had to vomit and cough every 20 minutes. However, it had lessened, and Jon was rocking him, shushing him and brushing his hair down. The coughing was still there, but the vomiting had stopped for now. Spencer gets uncomfortable and wriggles, managing to escape, but immediately crying when he realizes. He hooks his legs around Spencer's waist and draws him near. Of course.

  
Spencer is whining and crying because he feels vulnerable, with his young-childish fears coming out through skin and bone. Jon instead shushes him more, rubs his back, and pets his hair. That calms his crying to an occasional sob, but even that breaks Jon's heart. He doesn't want Spencer to hurt like this, whether naturally or not. He hopes Brendon comes over, gets ill, and that way he's not alone. Or, that Brendon would get hurt and be put in the hospital, and Ryan would cry and die slowly.. Spencer would be pissed, yeah, so he stops himself.

He holds him, nestling his head into the others neck, and they stay there, sniffles and soft humming coming from them, till they fall asleep.


	15. Scissors and Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He spent the day contemplating what he was going to do with his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a depiction of a potentially toxic relationship!!  
> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!

A week later, when the fever should have cleared up, it was still there. Albeit less horrible (a few days after he found out Spencer had the fever, it shot up to 103), he had to be put in medical care. But this was normal. It was fever season, and Spencer always got sick easily. At this time, they didn't allow visitors, didn't allow Jon to see the love of his life.

He spent the day contemplating what he was going to do with his life. He shouldn't be left alone, he thinks. Spencer is sick, he knows. Jon has a feeling that once Spencer is done being sick, Brendon will catch it. Brendon also gets sick easily. Jon and Ryan have the best immune systems, they can survive through flu season. That doesn't mean they don't get sick at all, but that it's not easy. Somehow, he thinks that somebody will get hurt. And he bets on Brendon.

He feels like a ghost in his dreams. He calls asleep without Spencer at his side, leaving him cold and alone. His dreams usually are nice, but nobody would ever love him the way he loves them, and this was buried deep inside, so when Spencer wasn't there? He had doubts.

Spencer would use him, because Spencer is a liar, you know? He says he loves Jon, but he can see the way Spencer looks at him when angry. Cold and unloving. When angry at Brendon and Ryan, he gets less cold and less unloving. He knew Ryan and Brendon longer, though.

But, in the wake of Saturday, Jon goes to the hospital. Smiles, although it's fake. His eyes hide all other emotions. Spencer has no clue, he never did. Jon feels that cold pit in his stomach, and when Spencer gets out of the hospital, he tries to ignore it.

Tries to ignore the way his brain urges him to break it off. He can't. That would hurt Spencer so much, and Ryan and Brendon would kill him.

And he never wanted to hurt Spencer, but Spencer is hurting him. And it's all too much.

But he'll stick through, for Spencer.


	16. Meadow Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's so beautiful. Here, it was bright and beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes this chapter was angsty.  
> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!

To celebrate Spencer finally getting out of the hospital, they went to the meadow. It's so beautiful. Here, it was bright and beautiful. It being their relationship. The meadow glimmered, due to the rain that had fallen yesterday, and Jon put flowers on Spencer's head and shoulders. They fall, and he imagines them wilting. He doesn't pick anymore of them, afraid that something will die too. Obviously. In order to divorce you have to have at least a year of separation. He frowns.

"Just know, I think you're rare." He whispered to Spencer, not smiling. Ryan and Brendon watched, watched as Jon got up and chased after a rabbit. The other three followed until they went deeper, the meadow getting more full. There were thorns in their feet and Brendon yelled when he felt them. Jon didn't seem phased, while the other three almost cried. It was 11:11 and Jon begged for Spencer to ask first. Begged for Brendon and Ryan to not hurt him. Obviously, that didn't work. The 7-11 they were going to was the perfect place. He got there quickly, there was nobody there, and he stepped in.

"Spencer." He said, turning. "Spencer." He was close to tears, and he gripped the other man's face. "Spencer!" He started sobbing, his emotions bursting through like a garden. They all stare, suddenly terrified. Finally, when he stops, he laughs cowardly.

"I'm a coward, Spencer. I'm sorry. Divorces need at least a year of separation. I'm sorry." He got a candy bar, paid, and walk past. He could see their shocked faces. And Spencer trembled. Brendon and Ryan watched.

"You FUCKING ASSHOLE!! YOU COULD HAVE NOT BROUGHT ME TO YOUR SPECIAL FUCKING GARDEN!" Jon didn't listen, stepping out the door.

He didn't want to play the game of 21 questions. When Spencer would ask "why?" 21 times. No thanks.


	17. World's Collide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Brendon was the painter, his wrist was the canvas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for descriptions of past-self harm!! Also depictions of unhealthy friendship things.  
> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!

Jon knew Brendon had struggles. If Brendon was the painter, his wrist was the canvas. He hadn't seen Spencer in months, almost a year. Spencer was going to file for divorce any time now, meaning that they were over.

He hummed, trying to calm himself as he looked at the text. He had texted Ryan, who had texted him with screenshots. Something about a relapse.

'Jon, I hate you so fucking much! You won't help Brendon?' The text read, because he refused to help. He felt unreal and he needs to take care of himself. Ryan always told him to take care of himself, to take care of himself even if others need help.

Well, he guessed if it was somebody as insignificant as Jon, it didn't apply. God damn.

'Didn't you say "take care of yourself, even when others need help"? Am I just that insignificant? Do you just not care about /my/ MENTAL health? You only care about Brendon and yourself!! You can go fuck a dog. Tell Brendon that I said to go fucking die. When you see Spencer, tell him that I said to go fuck himself. Good FUCKING bye.'

Maybe he was harsh, yeah, but none of them loved him or cared. Ryan would drop him, Brendon was an asshole, and Spencer was a bitch. Maybe he was harsh, yeah, but.. you know what? Who fucking cares? He's done being a side project, is done being used. Ryan and Brendon and Spencer know him, or so they say. They will excuse it because he is an innocent flower child, right? Because he was just stressed. Sure, he was stressed, but he's done with being a punching bag.

Good on them if they drop him. He wants them to die. He wants Brendon to die.

He would have no remorse, especially since that boy was long overdue.


	18. Rain and Hail

Jon watched the garden from inside his house. It was tainted, with their broken love acting as fertilizer. Jon dropped his head, before putting on his shoes and getting outside. He was quick, walking to the place that was their forever.

The meadow.

Brendon and Ryan were there too. But they didn't stop here. They kept going, passing the 7-11, internally playing 21 Questions. Jon fiddled with the ring. He still kept it even after he and Spencer were done. They would meet Spencer there. They kept walking, until the sky got dark and they got there. There were no flowers, but Jon was prepared. He shoved the roses he had to Spencer, shivering as the cold hit him. It was dark and cold and he still had Spencer's jacket. Brendon and Ryan left him there, and he broke.

 

He dropped near Spencer's grave, sobbing heavily. "I just- I just want it to be happy again. I just want you here again. Please, Spencer! If you can hear me.. please, answer me. Please. I love you and I want- I need you back. Tell me you're listening, please." He was a sobbing mess, now.

 

It was quiet. Jon waited for the wind, like in those stories, where the ghost of your deceased loved one would talk to you through wind. Where you can feel them, even when they aren't there. He waited, waited for the wind to pick up. He braced himself, not humming. Even Brendon and Ryan, who hadn't went far, braced themselves for the sound of the wind. All three waited for the whistle, the one that sounded like a voice, proving that Spencer was listening, that Spencer was still there.

 

It stayed quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!

**Author's Note:**

> Please give kudos and please comment!! It's appreciated!!


End file.
